i have/had shoes

I love shoes.

Okay, I know girls have to love shoes, but for real-- I love shoes.

The thing is, I'm not super picky about my shoes. I don't spend a lot of money on single pairs of shoes, I just spend money on a lot of pairs of shoes. I collect shoes. I have always received compliments on my shoes. Shoes, cardigans, and headbands. Definition of style to me.

Let's not get crazy, though. I have cool shoes but only in select styles. I dig flats. I like pretty heels, but I like them high, and I like them classic. I am no Kim Kardashian when it comes to shoes, though I will admit, these caged booties are pretty awesome. If only I were brave enough to wear them.If I could, I would have a walk-in closet, and I would dedicate a whole wall to shoes. Not a new concept, but of course, in my little basement apartment, I don't have a walk-in closet, and my shoe wall is reduced to a shoe bin that I've been carting around since my freshman year at the dorms. And even though I hoe through my shoes every year or so, my shoe bin has lately looked like this:
Quelle nightmare!

47 pairs of shoes! Not only do my shoes not even all fit in the bin, but it's a disaster pile that is impossible to dig through. And though I'm as sentimental as they come, and I can argue, "What if I need them sometime!" as hard as anyone, I will always want new shoes. So Mr. Ames gave me the instruction,

For each new pair, I must get rid of two.

Those yellow heels, the green fake Keds and new tennies are my three newest pairs of shoes, for which I had not yet sacrificed to the shoe gods, so I decided to reorganize, beginning by making three areas of the living room: 1. For Keeps 2. For Maybe Keeps 3. For Probably Not Keeps.Of course, there's the fourth group-- For Keeps Forever Because These Are Already A Late-90s Relic:Eat your heart out, Melissa Joan Heart. My grandchildren had better appreciate these in 50 years because these will never get thrown away. I wore them to my 8th grade "graduation" dance and had my hair done at the salon and wished John Ferris would have danced with me. I should really give them their own box and stack them with my wedding shoes-- that's how real I'm being about them, guys.

After my sifting, I kept 29 pairs and put 6 pairs in a box to offer to the thrifting gods.Red flats I wore to college convocation and are actually little girls' shoes; black flats I wore for the run of Pericles all fall semester 2008; sandals I got at Rite-Aid for $8, painted green heels I sniped from HCTO before a yard sale that were used in Thoroughly Modern Millie; navy grandma loafers that I got at DI, wore four times, then determined I wasn't cool enough to wear grandma DI clothes the way my friend Julie does (she particularly wears polyester and pleated pants very well); and beach shoes from Maine that were taken in this picture, and then determined to not be sacrificed after all because I can take them back to Maine where they may become suitable porch shoes.

I found12 pairs to be unfit (read: too stinky) for any other human to wear.Goodbye red boat shoes I bought during Little Women and wore through England! Goodbye music note shoes! Goodbye favorite flats, and first pair of trendy boots I bought in my adult life for only $19.99, and best cranberry knit boots every missing one button! Goodbye Rocket Dog velcro shoes I found on eBay as a senior in high school after they stopped manufacturing them, and New Balance sneakers that saw me through all my folk dance years! Goodbye slip-on moccasins I got at the BYU bookstore for 40% off that were almost ruined when it rained torrential rain the very first day I wore them, and the yellow jelly shoes that never looked good with my ankles but were jelly shoes and therefore had to be worn!

18 shoes gone / 2 (for each new pair at a 2:1 ratio) - 1 yellow heels - 1 green fake Keds - 1 tennies = 6 new pairs for the summerrrrrrrrr!

Only we're on a budget, Mom, so I won't get 6, promise.

i have a jonesing for new glasses

Kay so I want new glasses, right? The ones I'd ideally like are name-brand and a few hundred dollars. They sure are shiny and retro.

Since I don't have that kind of money to just flip around when there are bills and insurance to be paid, I'm opting for a pair from zennioptical.com. It's like getting glasses from a shady street vendor in New York except without the shady or the street vendor. Or the New York.

These are my top-three choices.

Number One:
Note the funny little design on the bridge of the nose. These are a fun alternative to the Ray Bans, yeah? I dig the tortoise shell design, and that they're chunky, and that they are a "men's" design because big glasses look good on my big face. Also I need a wide lens because my eyes are so big hair toss. But for real. Price: $12.95 + lenses


Number Two:
Only in the tortoise shell pattern or black/white, for texture and also for the gold rim around the lens.
These don't feature the little nose pads that Number One has, and I do think I'd like the adjustable nose pads since my current frames don't have nose pads and they're very heavy on my nose. These might not be so bad though. These are pretty close to the Ray Bans. Little different. Still borderline hipstery. Price: $19 + lenses


Number Three:

A little more mod. There is the issue of the swirly design on the sides, but I think I'm into it. There's no rim on the lenses, but they're an interesting shape. Still, maybe a little too narrow for my enormous eyes hair toss? Price: $23.95 + lenses

Please assist. The pressure is too great. I can't possibly make a decision all by myself when we're talking like $20 here.

i have boring things to buy

Let me tell you about my most recent contributions to the economy.

(for our apartment, not the musical. the musical would be more interesting.)

Being on a budget is suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper boring, you guys.

i have a great outfit today

Today is one of those perfectly not-winter-not-spring days. The weather has been changing like crazy-- I've been waking up with headaches, which is the worst, but it's also a sign of a lot of pressure changes. It sprinkled a pretty little rain for about 0.2397 seconds at 8AM. It made me excited for spring.

I actually got ready this morning, and even though I didn't particularly have "enough time" (read: 20 minutes), I managed to pull it together-- me and my body-wash-washed hair. Speaking of my hair, I'd really like to dye it again. Also I'm growing it back out (again) so that it will look something like
because this hair is parfait hair, and so is her makeup. I want to live in the 60s. But I digress.

My perfect not-winter-not-spring-not-1960s outfit looks like this.

1. Headband (Forever 21). Black. Bow. Perfect.Note: this is me wearing this headband sometime last summer, and looking very excited because I won Pin the Tail on the Donkey at Michael's birthday party by pinning the freaking tail on the donkey EXACTLY WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO.

2. This dress (Target), only it's black on top with a black and pink and purple skirt so it's like subtle spring. Like spring at nighttime. Like spring that's just a little chilly still. Also it's got an elastic belt that hits me just so and makes me want to be more like Julie and Jessica, who belt everything in their wardrobes because it makes them look fantastic. Maybe they're on to something here.
Note: my skin is IN NO WAY so lovely and golden and warm. I don't think I could ever be this color tan if even dreamed about it.

3. Cardigan (Old Navy), since it's not-spring, but white, because it's not-winter.Note: This is close to a Perfect Cardigan. I almost bought one in every color, except I'd already bought three others that day when I went shopping for new clothes because I got a new job and needed new work clothes. Duh. Of course.

4. Leggings (Forever 21). This dress is short, which would make me unprofessional in the workplace. Also, this dress is short, which would make me freeze.Note: If you think these are my legs-- or that is my flat stomach-- you are sooooooooorely mistaken.

5. Gray boots that make me feel like Peter Pan (Target). These keep me warm.
Note: Take the buckles off the boots in this picture, and that's what my actual boots look like. Slouchy and knee-high and like Peter Pan, am I right am I right?

Also, every bit of jewelry I'm wearing today was given to me by Mr. Ames, who let me snuggle up real tight to him last night after I had a very bad dream in which our campus library blew up and everyone died. Apparently, I have an active imagination, and my dream-mourning may have manifested itself by the abundance of black in my outfit today. How fitting.

In other news: this is the greatest album you will ever own, so you must buy it. If you don't know The Rocket Summer, and if you think you don't care, you're wrong, and please read this post.

i have back fat

Gross, right? But guess what. I also have stomach fat. And arm fat. And chin fat. Fat fat fat all around.

I mean, I get it-- I am not a Fat Girl. I know this. I know that people don't look at me and think, Geez, look at that fatty. I've recently arrived at the conclusion that, even though I may have to buy a Large cardigan at Forever 21, it is because Forever 21 is made for 13-year olds and a Large cardigan does not make me a Large person.

That said, I'm a little round here and there, let's just be honest. While I'm not a fatty, I'm also not a skinny little thing with skinny pants and skinny shirts and skinny skinny. The reality is that I do have to buy Large cardigans at Forever 21. It's a truth. And, having been thinner in my past, I know it's a reality to be thinner in my present. No amount of layering and distracting the eye with interesting headbands will change the fact that I could stand to lose a few, if for no other reason than to make myself feel better about myself.

So. LET IT BE KNOWN. I am resolved to lose 15 lbs by the end of March, after which I will reevaluate and, depending on how we feel about things, proceed for another 5 lbs by the end of April. By then, I'll be healthy, hydrated, less jiggly, and maybe a little more on my way to looking like this:

Because I think she is about the epitome of femininity and elegance and being perfectly healthy and not stick thin. Also, if I look more like this, I bet I'm also one step closer to winning an Oscar. Win win win.